Fuck Off?

I would kindly and with a giant fist like the ass the world to get their heads out of their ass's and look around. Oh wait, that's my culture!!! If I could choose a more ignorant and selfish group to be whisked off the planet it would be us. Whatever happened to respect? What ever happened to loving your children cause YOU BROUGHT THEM INTO THIS WORLD!?! What happened to being able to ask for food from a stranger when you're hungry? What happened to being decent human beings? Why do all these things effect me to the point I'm wearing so thin I'm loosing sight of all the great UN SELFISH acts I can still bestow upon the world. Without a penny to my name is the name of the game. I think I'd be so happy. 

FL!!!!

Hey Blog. I've been ghost for a minute now and I thought you would like me to share in some awesome news!!! So as of Sunday my perception was once again dramatically altered. Not in any damaging way (although yes it hurt for a moment but that hurt is a selfish one) but I felt more enlightened. There is no changing how I feel about a situation but to accept the situation and what it is. Then I re-realized yesterday upon receiving a phone call from Ryan down in FL  that we are shown paths to take and us as people are ultimately responsible to choose one. So I decided to ask to borrow the money to go down to FL. I hate asking for any sort of anything like that so this was a big step for myself personally. I need to work on those pride issues. I am a little egotistical (sometimes a lot depending on the day) but I don't think that's a bad trait to possess.

So at this point it was just an idea. I went to work and sent out all the good vibes I had towards the situation. I send those out everyday, or at least I try to. Erin ended up working at the mall that day and I remembered him saying if I ever went to FL to let him know because he would probably just move there. I let him know and he is coming with us and starting life again somewhere else. :) So much change is happening in my life and I L-O-V-E change because it's a start for new personal journey's and so forth and such with. I refuse to sit around and dwell on my own bullshit anymore. Yeah, I have to live with it but no use crying over spilled milk. I have felt my purpose in life is to make the people I care about smile and forget their own crap for a second. Inspiration perhaps? Only time will tell. I'm inspired everyday sooooooo, YAY!!!

HERE I COME WORLD LIKE FIRE!!!!

The philosophy of the See-Saw

Discussing words tonight and the thought crossed my head. What the hell is a see-saw and why is it called that? Well, it was put to me in a very colorful fashion by Mr. Jake. I will paraphrase what was said for I do not have a photographic memory. When you go up you have seen something and then once you come back down you have  saw something. Essentially this is a colliding of the present and past in one swift motion. What a wonderful spin on something that no one would even give a second thought too and there it is. I hope that this spreads around because the definition that is giving elsewhere is quite stuffy and boring. I love creativity and it's amazing how one simple question can become such a wonderful answer. Now whenever I get on a see-saw I will smile at the thought at how much more there is to a name then what we ever give it credit for. How one idea can jump to another and end up in creative bliss. It was a wonderful day and I hope tomorrow brings more enjoyment and enlightenment. I'm beginning to understand breathing new life into something you once thought was tired and stale. Life is but a series of happenings that we often take for just a series of happenings. There is so much more to life though. Believe me. I have a pretty interesting idea on what life entails. =D  

I am so calm and happy :)

When life gives you lemons build a lemonade stand and sell the shit for twice the price in which it cost. :) I got to catch up with a good friend tonight and it was really nice. I'm hanging with my old buddies and their the best I could ever ask for. I got to tell certain people that I still feel for them regardless of what the weather is like and I all together didn't talk to people I wanted too. I'm OK with all of this. :) I feel fulfilled and that's all I could have ever hoped for out of this day. Thank you for reading my thoughts and I will share the bulk of them tomorrow. Toodles and have a good night world!!!!! =D

Calm in the Morning is a Calm for the Day

Here it is another Friday and I woke up this morning feeling a lot better and have now instilled some positive thought into my head to counteract the "Oh god why the hell am I me?" I think it is working to be honest. I think maybe having a good and mentally safe idea as you first awake is a good thing. I realize I am notorious for sabotaging any good thing in my life. What did someone call me once? Oh yes. A defeatist, nihilist, cynical, Debbie Downer. Maybe not all at once but those are the ones that really stuck with me in some way or shape. GET OUT OF HERE!! That's what I've been telling them all morning. They are leaving and I hope they take a suitcase this time. I'll even pay for their train ticket back to getthefuckouttahere. But alas it is a beautiful day from what I can see through my dungeon window so I'm going to go enjoy its beauty since I missed out yesterday. Being sick is counter productive to enjoying life. Have a beautiful day everyone and hope it gets even more beautiful then you could have even hoped!!! 

I posted this to my Facebook but I feel it also deserves a spot here. This picture was really inspiring. I had clicked on a link expressing good, upbeat, and inspiring moments captured in media recently. They were mostly such. This one I had to stop on and reflect. It's just so wonderful to know that in spite of all the worlds wrong and how we feel at times, beauty is truly all around us. It always has been. We're just not looking for it anymore. 

A day of....

Today, like any day, had its tendrils deeply embedded into my psyche. I've come to love how differently I tend to view seemingly simple occurring situations and address their outcome. My brain had a moment of defunct this morning as I stated in my previous entry. Never letting the thought completely envelope my conscious thought was a big accomplishment but the nagging sensation of the anxiety it had caused lingered. Thus bringing back the thought and triggering the need to once again talk my subconscious mind back into its proper state. This was all off-set when someone I had not seen in awhile came in. It was like looking at what I could have become if I hadn't been a stronger person. His name is John Brown. The only reason I bring this up is because this is a good person. He has good intent and a sweet demeanor but no backbone to realize the choices he's making are ones that are counter productive to his growth as a person. The instant he saw me he lit up like a Christmas tree and generally expressed great interest in hearing about how I was doing. His girlfriend (whom I will NOT talk about for she is not worth the time or energy) sat coldly and showed disinterest in me being there. The cold of negative energy washed over me in her presence. She's the reason he's where he is, never wanting to let go and let him get on with his own life. We sat outside while I smoked a cigarette and told him I was not there to judge him for the drugs he was doing. I shared with him the joy in my life and my new found sober lifestyle that I have fallen into well. For someone so down he smiled so genuinely at hearing that I was doing well. It's a sad thing that I might never see him again to tell him how he altered the course of my whole day with one moment and one thought. Not that his sad state made me happy, quite the opposite. His sadness made me more reflective on my own problems and put them into a box where they belong. I realized the thought was silly and sent it packing. I refuse to let my strong emotions rule how I really feel anymore. Then, to counterbalance the sad reflective state of Jon Brown, my Grandmother and my cousin showed up and I got to tell her about how well I'm doing. That I'm OK and if she was worried at all I showed her in my demeanor and my smile. It's genuine, not forced anymore. 

I'm trying to elaborate on a large scale issue I believe has happened all over this world. Why do we put happiness down with such a heavy hand? Why do we ignore how we really feel and just sit around and wait to feel different? You don't feel any different staring at the T.V. You won't feel any better working at a job you feel stuck at. You won't even feel better holding onto the best love you ever had and hoping it becomes better. The essence of humanity in my opinion would be the interconnected web we share just being human. If you look past people's outward persona and dig a little deeper there is more to some people then you ever thought possible. If you even just do it once a day for a stranger, regardless of the outcome, it helps you become more in-tune with this reality. I urge you to do it and practice it. People become so much less black and white and their vibrant potential shows. Even if a person is lost they can still be found. If they are found and still are lost then you move on to the next. There are so many people around you everyday. Even if the idea of the general public is a sore on your own soul, think of that one other person feeling the same way as you. Believe me, I am not innocent of judgmental tendencies. I do not like a lot of the choices we make as humans, including my own. I will not throw anyone under the metaphorical bus without examining my flaws as well. They are many and they are visible to the eye that sees. 

I said something at work today and had to jot it down immediately. I want to share it with the world but I guess starting here is a good enough place as any. It goes along with me trying to wrestle the dreaded what ifs from my mind that have plagued me for years. Upon having this thought and expressing it verbally, quite honestly, the issue became a non issue truly in that moment. The events of my day calmed me down and this thought truly inspired my being. Enjoy and hope the world treated you kindly today.

"If a woman has to force a man into a relationship and he allows it, then the man is unjust. If the woman wants to force the man into a relationship and the man keeps a steady hand, he is worthy of being loved."